Maaaaayybeeee it’s time to update this one, guys.

I appreciate the honesty. #BarBathroomDiaries

I appreciate the honesty. #BarBathroomDiaries

This works better somehow.

I always thought Wonder Bread was made of cement. Now there’s proof.

My friend still hasn’t taken down his REAL Christmas tree and it’s APRIL. And, yes, that’s my leg. Hilarious.

Wow, I had no idea Mickey Rooney’s mom was the star of “Gimme a Break!”

Spike Jonze was here.

Now introducing smoke-free doughnuts at last!

Now introducing smoke-free doughnuts at last!

Just as Frank Sinatra may be Ronan Farrow’s real father, this makes me wonder if Bill Murray is James Franco’s.

Hi (at Brooklyn Bridge)

I want to walk in here and scream some gibberish, and then say, “How much will you give me for that?”

This is horse shit.