My niece is such a talented scribbler.

Hey, @midnight put one of my tweets on their show tonight. I don’t have cable, so thanks to some guy named John from Alabama for tweeting this to me.

comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME! comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!


Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME!

comedycentral:

Which of these #WorseCollegeMascots has the most school spirit? Find out on tonight’s new @midnight!

Hoosier Daddy? Really? LAME!

(via atmidnightcc)

There’s no way I’m gonna let this sign tell me what to do.

This is apparently a strip club that recently went out of business, and it has the greatest sign ever.

People keep asking me to post more selfies. Here ya go, assholes.

People keep asking me to post more selfies. Here ya go, assholes.

This is my birthday cake. My niece picked it (she’s three). Apparently, she thinks I’m a teenaged Asian chick.

Today is my birthday, which means you better wish me a happy birthday digitally or we’re no longer fake friends.

Because there’s nothing more gangster than a vanity plate.

Texting with my friend.

Still one of my favorite surprise Twitter exchanges.

I’m glad Apple is reminding us what great people they are so we’ll buy more of their shit.

It’s STILL still Thursday somewhere. #tbt (brooding while wearing sweet Nikes edition)

It’s still Thursday somewhere. #tbt (scary clown edition)